Second Annual Sophomore Novel Angst Google Search Jubilee Extravaganza Celebration

A while back I wrote a post about the various google search terms that people used to reach my blog.  Looking at the date–yipes, that was over a year ago!  Let us waste no further time, and begin the Second Annual Sophomore Novel Angst Google Search Jubilee Extravaganza Celebration:

• Favorite misspelling of my name and book title: 13 routerays by helena shipiro.  I think this one came in shortly after my radio broadcast so it was probably someone trying to guess the spelling phonetically.  I heartily commend google for actually finding me with this!

• Inadvertent Poetry Award: golden apple music box memories.  Honorable mention for: tulle as snow.

• Many people have reached me googling something about cheez doodles, which I consider a great honor.  A couple of searches found me attempting to find a French translation for “cheez doodle.”  I will be reporting you to the French Consulate and/or Académie Française for Culinary Sacrilege immediately.  However, the most alarming cheez doodle-related search has to be: when can baby have cheese doodles.  Please, please do not feed this to your infant.

• Early on in the life of this blog, I wrote a post about the Crazy Horse Cabaret in Paris.  This has caused a truly horrifying number of people to reach me searching for footage of people doing unmentionable things to horses.  People.  Horses are our friends, not our lovers.

• “This Sounds Kind Of Sexy” Award: i will write a story in french then translate it slowly.  Rowr.  Call me.

• “Why, Thank You” Award: elena mauli shapiro is a sex goddess.

• Salient Questions:

• how does my immigrant experience relate to the person i am? In many untold ways, my friend.
• so are you saying that we’re all just, like, really excellent sheep? Yes.
• four phases of vagina? They are: prophase, metaphase, anaphase and telophase.
• simile for indeed? I think you may mean “synonym,” and the answer is “forsooth.”  You’re welcome.
• why do sophomore novels suck? Generally because the author is scared shitless of failure in a way that they weren’t with the first novel, which causes them to freeze up and fail.  Life is awesome like that.

• “Who you gonna call?  Ghostbusters!” Award: vaporous specter fuck off (Seriously though, I’m sorry about your specter problem.)

• Hilarious academia-related searches: the word other as a verb, difference between sign and signifier.  It should be no surprise that these things lead to: post “qualifying exam” syndrome.  Do get that looked at, or it might very well lead to “Fuck This, I Am Going To Clown College Instead” Syndrome.

• And finally, would the following searchers please, please contact me and explain what exactly you were looking for?

• arachnid tradeshow dallas
• women shitting pants waiting for elevator
• حصان مع حصان سكس

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