A feature of wordpress that I find pretty neat is that it tabulates a list of the google searches that get people to my blog. Most of them are searches for my name, or the title of my book. Sometimes I wonder who these mysterious people are out there looking for me. Given that some of them searched for my maiden name (my current name minus Shapiro), some are obviously people who knew me back when I was a young spark. Some must also be curious students. (Hi curious students! I miss you guys!)
Then there are hits from people who were looking for something that is obviously not me. I do have a doppelganger who is all over the internet, a girl who has my name minus the “Mauli.” She was a lovely ballerina who was killed by some asshole drunk driver, so there is lots of stuff out there about her. Pretty sad, plus there’s something spooky about having a homonym who died a violent death–a bit like someone walking over my grave. Some of the hits are from people out there looking for information about her. I am frankly creeped out by whoever reached me by googling “9-11 call elena shapiro.” Why would you want to read and/or hear that?
There are also hits from people looking for information on books or movies that I’ve mentioned on here. I hope my thoughts on them were informative! Then there are hits of pure randomness. I enjoy those immensely. Sometimes they’re inadvertent poetry like “art sex flower” or “words written in smoke.” Sometimes they’re just hilarious, like “white tiger vs eagles” (was somebody looking for some kind of weird cage match footage?), or “what is academic prose” (I wish I knew). Even better: “academical prose” (no comment). Best of all: three people have reached my blog by googling “glandular secretions.” People, let’s aim to make my blog the number one hit for “glandular secretions.”
And, inevitably, there are the bizarre horny searches. Somebody out there has a boner for my family tree: “sex with a mauli,” along with several different iterations with the words in different orders (were they looking for instructions?). Then there is, simply: “elena shapiro horse” (ew–double ew if they were looking for the dead ballerina). Then there’s the horny search that slides back into inadvertent poetry territory: “making love images” (aw).
So, every once in a while I will make sure to check the growing list of ways people get here. It’s like my own little virtual peep hole. Except, online, the door is always open to whoever knocks.